Today is my birthday. I have made 32 trips around the sun. Half my life ago was my Sweet Sixteen. I have been with my husband 1/3 of my life. This year will be my ten year college reunion. Aside from yesterday’s meltdown and sulking like a child, it has turned out to be pretty great.
You see, my 30’s were not something I was looking forward to. My 30th birthday I spent at home, drinking mimosas all day. My 31st birthday was with friends and family and should’ve been a blast, but had a breakdown outside the tavern because I was missing my husband. Now, my 32nd birthday was supposed to be spent in Vegas for Bike week. Those plans changed last minute, and we were no longer able to go. Of course, because of a work thing. Also, the thought of a 48 hour turn around with 16 hours on the motorcycle sounded more exhausting than fun.
So, I sat at home yesterday with nothing going on, no friends around, letting the weekend pass us by. Getting more and more discouraged that my husband had not planned anything, I was deep into a pity party for myself; “I’m another year older,” “What am I doing with my life?” “I don’t want children, but my clock is ticking if I think I might ever change my mind.” All kinds of negative, disheartening things that didn’t help the tantrum I was already throwing. Sending me deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of self-pity and negativity. After hiding and crying in the bathroom, for no apparent reason I could explain, my husband getting annoyed with my all day mood swing asked me again, “What’s going on?” I responded with a “poor me” rendition of how everything sucked and how he didn’t do anything for my birthday. His confused expression and response of “Did your birthday change? Isn’t it tomorrow?” made me realize how silly I was being.
I don’t know why, but I get in these funks that no matter what I do I can’t pull myself out of. I knew how ridiculous and bratty I was being and wanted to cheer up, but I just couldn’t. I get so wrapped up in “special” days (birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day), I work myself up into a frenzy of expectations. I don’t even give them a chance to play themselves out before I get upset. Why do I do that? Is it my anxiety, which I never actually realized I had, but is ever more clear with every 30-something birthday I have. After finally trying to pull my self out of the funk I was in, I was trying to enjoy myself, or in the least go about life in a “normal” way.
I woke up this morning to my husband making breakfast! This is something I’m not sure I ever remember him doing. He brought me coffee and breakfast in bed. Eggs and bacon with a card and red rose. I knew he was up to something, because I heard the smoke alarm go off and him exasperatedly say, “Really!?” I continued to lay there letting him play out whatever surprise he had planned. I was shocked at what he had done for me. I felt even more silly and embarrassed for my bratty episode the previous day.
After having a delicious breakfast and reading my first card, I got up and went to find my man. He was in the kitchen cooking bacon, the smoke alarm going off a second time. I was met with a second card and two bouquets of roses, one red and one pink. In the second card was a gift certificate to Ulta Beauty. This was something I had just recently mentioned. My Mama told me about a skin care line, and they carry it at Ulta. I had mentioned it to my husband and that I would like to try it. He listened! When he got the gift card the cashier told him that $10 was not enough though. He laughed and told her, “I know it’s not. The price doesn’t matter. I just know she won’t go in there any other way.” He was right. I have never been to Ulta until today.
It was unlike anything I had ever seen, and I’d never felt so girly, and clueless. My husband walked along peacefully while I browsed everything. I did get the skin care line my Mama talked about; an anti-aging, rejuvenating plan. At 32 I have wrinkles and crows feet, and they need not exist. We’ll see how well it works. I also got some odds and ends that stood out to me and seemed fun. I was super excited about the ribbon curlers. I couldn’t forget about baby though, and picked out some beard products for him. After all, he was the reason we were there in the first place.
We also went to one of my favorite places of all time, the bookstore. I’ve had a list of books I’ve wanted to check out for a while now and was finally able to get some. The others I will order online with the gift card from my parents. A main book I got was a journal/schedule I will use to help me read through the Bible this year. In 32 years of life, I have never read the Bible. I am ready to and want to. I even got special highlighters! Being a former teacher, I get incredibly excited about any type of school supplies.
We went to BJ’s for lunch which was surprisingly disappointing. The service was terrible and we will not be going go back to that one. We did actually get dessert though. A strawberry and ice cream covered beignet. It was delicious, but I’m not sure it was worth the 20 minute wait, or breaking my diet.
We got home and I excitedly went through my goodies. Ready to tear into my new books and apply the rejuvenating skin care plan, I first wanted to play with the curlers. Turns out my hair is too long for them to work maybe the way they’re supposed to, but it was fun to try. Smelling the aroma of fresh roses, I can’t help but think how incredibly blessed and grateful I am.
All in all, I had a fabulous day! Thanks to all my friends and family calling, texting, sending cards, and Facebook messages, and especially my amazing husband. 32 is going to be great! I will stay positive. I will find a great job that fits me. I will finish the book I’m working on. I will lose the weight. I will read the Bible. Watch out world, I’m 32 and starting a new!
You go girl!