Find Your Happy!

I found this book in the Las Vegas airport over Spring break this year. I had flown in for the week to visit my husband in Boulder City, NV. The way my life had been going, this was exactly what I needed at the time. I needed some direction and help in decision-making. The bright yellow cover and of course a cuss word, jumped off the shelf at me in the store. I quickly flipped through it and knew I had to buy it. I immediately started tearing through it, and before I knew it we had landed in Illinois. Now, that my “reading for fun” time was over and I was back to school and reality, it sat on my end table for months until recently I could finish it. It in fact, does have me feeling like a badass!

For my review of the book “You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living An Awesome Life” by Jen Sincero, go to https://liveandlearnjourney.com/you-are-a-badass-book-review/

After my husband picked me up in Vegas we drove to Boulder City, and I kept wondering to myself, “How will this one go?” With a sigh of relief, we had a great time! This was always a fear when having a long-distance relationship. Sure you talk everyday, and can video chat and send pictures of what’s going on in your lives, but there’s something different about spending time apart and then reconnecting. Each person has a different set of expectations for their time together, and there’s built up anxiety from wanting everything to be “perfect.” Luckily, everything was in fact perfect this trip. This was one of the first times in the entire year since I moved back home to try life in Illinois, that I finally felt like myself.

I had been in constant turmoil ever since I left as to whether or not I was living the life I wanted. It turns out I wasn’t. Not even close! I was surrounded by my family and working my dream job. Literally, everything I would want in my career. I was teaching 2nd grade at the best school in the region. None of it seemed to matter though because I was desperately homesick for my husband and the life we had together; before I uprooted everything, made a decision solely based on myself, and moved away. Now don’t get me wrong, we were never “separated,” and it’s not like I had left our marriage or didn’t want to be with him. We maintained our marriage, the best way we know how, long-distance. We are very good at it. Hell, we have a decade of practice.

So after a week, of being back to my life, it all became very clear of what I wanted. I wanted him and our life together. I had finally made a decision! I am one of the most indecisive people you would ever meet. So much so, that it pisses people off that I won’t make a decision. My husband is one of the few things that I have decided on, and never faltered. Some would argue that I did because of my decision to move away, but that was not the case. I needed to do that for me, and just knew that we would last through it.

I have always struggled with the fact that I left home. I couldn’t wait to move away and travel, but that meant leaving my family, who’ve always acted like it was treason that I left in the first place. It was very difficult to live torn in half. I couldn’t have both. Or maybe I just didn’t want to jeopardize the life my husband and I have created for ourselves. Our life is solely based around his job. We full-time RV and travel from job to job. Sure he could work out there, but that would mean changing a lot of things about our lifestyle that we just don’t want to do. I love that we travel. I love not knowing where the next job is going to be. At first, it was nerve-racking to never know what was going to happen, or to have a plan. I have learned that even when there is a plan though, it more than likely will fall through. Timelines don’t really exist for us. I know we are moving when the trailer is hooked up and we are literally pulling out of the park. Everything else is just talk, or “in the works.” I do know that we will be alright no matter what though. My husband has proven that time and time again, so I don’t worry anymore about the unknown.

So, after finally making a decision of “I want to go home,” knowing this time that “home” was wherever my husband was and disconnecting that it was Illinois anymore, I was relieved. The pressure was off. It was a countdown until the school year ended and I could run back to my life. I could finally enjoy the rest of my time in Illinois. The big joke was that I was 31 and willingly moved into my parents basement, but I loved it. I loved seeing my parents everyday and spending time with family and friends! I will always remember the year I lived there and the time we were able to spend together. I will cherish that time. However, I knew that for my well-being I needed to find “my happy,” and I finally realized this trip that I had.

As the school year ended, and I packed my things and hit the rode, I had an overwhelming sense of relief. I no longer had to feel guilty about moving away because I had tried it there. I could go on to live the life I wanted without feeling torn in two anymore. In between constant online job searching for a position in education that was not a classroom teacher, I had the free time to finally finish the book. I loved it! It gave me a sense of empowerment and understanding over my life through the words she wrote. She had tons of ideas on how to improve my life and “kick some serious ass!”

So, now I am back to my life and absolutely loving it! Still trying to find a job is a bummer, but I have some other projects “in the works.” I am the happiest I have ever been and our marriage is thriving. If you are struggling in any way, check out this self-help book. It definitely made an impact on me.